Category Archives: personal

Update :D

Hello,

I am so excited to share that my husband and I will be welcoming a puppy into our little family! We were originally planning on waiting until I was done with school, but my schedule changes allow for some more wiggle room, and we saw some puppies up for adoption that we just fell in love with. We filled out the application, had the home check yesterday, and will be meeting the puppy and taking him home today!! My husband has waited his entire life to have his own dog, so he is beyond excited, and I am also excited for this next step for our family. Pictures may come later, if I think of it!

-Kayla

New Schedule, New Me

So I have officially started my 30 hours/week at work. Now I have full-time school, 20 hours/week of internship, and 30 hours/week of work. I now have 10 EXTRA HOURS IN MY LIFE!!!! And yet, at the same time, there is still never enough time. But I hope to improve my school work and do some more self-care.

A few weeks ago, I handed in a paper (that I really didn’t get to work on the way I like to) and I got the grade back this week. I passed, I got an 87. That is a really great grade considering that I started it an handed it in on the day it was due. The thing that bothers me is knowing I could have had a 97 if I was able to put in the work for it earlier. Now that I have more time in my schedule, I hope I can really step up my game for the last 3 papers I need to write. All of them are about 15 pages so I really need to have the focus and time to put into the research and writing. Even though I had to stay up late to work on some coursework last night, I plan to have enough time this weekend to work on some assignments and spend some time with friends.

I feel so relieved knowing I don’t have to work tomorrow, and have the whole afternoon to work on other things that I need to get done. I will probably do some work (off-the-clock) to stay within timelines, but at least I don’t HAVE to be on work unless I choose to be. But I feel so free, and like there is actually light at the end of the tunnel. Only 8 more months before I can start looking at other jobs! Because I am ready to be with management who cares about their employees, and to be direct care for my clients.

-Kayla

13 Reasons Why

ThirteenReasonsWhy

So back in high school, I read the book 13 Reasons Why. I loved the book. I thought it was such an interesting story, around why a girl in high school chose to commit suicide. Mind you, I never contemplated suicide. Now there is a series of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix, so I decided to watch it. They have made some changes and updated some of the social media and high school social events, which I don’t mind. But one thing that I don’t really remember is Hannah outright blaming the other students. It would be so hard if I had lost someone to suicide and then to read this book or see this show depicting that it’s everyone else’s fault for someone committing suicide. Of course it is better to be a nice person to people and to not believe everything you hear. However, you can’t control other people. Suicide and depression have such an impact on a person, so I’m not blaming those who commit suicide either. I just would not want people to think it was their fault for a friend committing suicide. It makes me sad, and maybe even a little angry to see the show depicting that it is other people’s fault. I can’t quite remember all the details of the end, so I hope it gives some different perspectives. I also worry that this show/book may lead to contagion in suicide among teens.

But if you are someone reading this who has been affected by suicide, I hope you know that you are not to blame. And for those who have suicidal ideation or homicidal ideation, I hope you can reach out to someone in a real way to get some help. When it is dark and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, I hope you fight to get to that better day. It’s never going to be easy, but that does come no matter how many times you get stuck in those dark places.

-Kayla ❤

Hectic!

So when I first moved out to CO, I loved my job. My supervisor was amazing and supportive, and so were all the peers in the office. Slowly, and then all at once, everything changed. My supervisor left, and found a different job that was better for her expertise, and then a lot of others quit and moved on. We had such a high turn-over in such a short time. The usual caseload for people working 40hrs/wk is 120 clients. I had 140, and then coverage was split across the office for all the cases on people’s caseloads, so I became responsible for about 200 cases. These are long term care medicaid adults, where I manage services and make sure they are able to live safely in their homes. Needless to say, there weren’t enough hours in the day to complete assessments and return all phone calls that were piling up in my emails, and make the regularly scheduled contacts we need to make. Needless to say, I have been hugely overwhelmed, especially going to school full-time. I have been so burnt out.

So I finally asked to lower my hours and my caseload. It took management 6 weeks to figure this out, but I will be finally doing this starting in April. This also means  can’t do case coverage. My caseload will be 120 (still high, but I’ll figure this out). I so badly want to quit, but can’t because I need the income. I feel like I’ve had to put school work on the back burner, and I don’t like that either. I keep telling myself I’ll be done in December with school, and then I can take some tests to qualify for some other positions towards what I want to do. I also rarely get to see my husband, so it has been a challenge to find the time to spend with him-undivided attention that is. I can see light at the end of the tunnel, just wish I could leave this job now instead of waiting! People leave their bosses, not their jobs…

Baby Fever

The baby fever has been hitting me hard lately! Andy and I are surrounded by many friends (I think about 15 at this point) who are all pregnant and due this summer. A lot of conversations in my life are related to pregnancy decisions, and soon it will be parenting, just from what is going on for all of them! SO MANY BABIES coming this summer.

Andy and I continue to remind ourselves to take our time, and we like being able to enjoy married life, just over a year into our marriage. Going to school full time and work is taking up so much time, and Andy isn’t set in his job right at this moment, so adding kids to the mix right now is not what we want. Being so in love with him and knowing we are such a great team definitely makes me think about having kids, but I am glad we are taking our time.

I got an  IUD in, so most likely no kids in the next few years. The weirdest feeling in the world getting it in, and I won’t lie it was a little painful, but manageable. We are relieved to know I will have birth control for the next 5 years regardless of what the administration may decide on funding birth control in the upcoming years.

We are hoping to take a trip to Europe when I finish up with school at some point and I am so excited to travel and go back to Europe. I have missed travelling. As much as I have baby fever, I’m pretty sure my travel bug is a million times worse. It has been three years since my adventures in Europe during my study abroad, and travel is calling my name. I miss being around new places, new people, and learning about the world from new perspectives. It’s always a reminder, even with terrible things happening, how we are all together in this world, and all part of the human race.

So anyways, I need to close the baby name meaning searches, finish this post, and then get back to finishing up a paper for school so I can work on the other 2 papers to finish by Saturday. Then I can get ready for Spring Break to hang out with my twin who is coming to visit!! Haven’t see her since last summer so I’m excited!! (I also hope I don’t have twins even though they’re the best)

-Kayla 🙂

 

 

 

 

It’s funny how the books you read line up with your life

It’s not like you always seek out certain books to realize something, and even when you do, the realizations and thoughts that come through may not have been expected.

I just finished reading American Wife written by Taya Kyle with Jim DeFelice. I was astounded at how much I saw Andrew in Chris Kyle, and even more by how much I aligned with Taya Kyle. Obviously, we are not a mirror image couple, and our relationship is its own. But many of the personality traits I see in Andrew or in myself while reading this book.

After dealing with a loss myself, although not a spouse, this book was therapeutic in the waves of grief that followed and are still washing up now and then. And it also faced a fear I have had, but also deepened since my friend died: how I am always hoping for Andrew’s well-being because I don’t really know what it would be like to face my life without him.

Near the end of the memoir, Taya talks about her search for happiness, and how she usually finds herself thinking of what she hasn’t done rather than her successes. I really saw myself doing this often, although I consider myself a ‘happy’ person. I have been stressed, restless this summer counting down the days and the savings I need to move and start my life-our life-with Andrew. Yet I haven’t necessarily celebrated what I have accomplished so far because I keep looking at what I need to do for the next thing. It definitely reminded me to LIVE IN THE MOMENT more. Something I try to do, but it is definitely an aspiration of mine for that to come more naturally. I have two undergraduate degrees under my belt, I am working in (one of) my fields of study and have someone I love deeply who loves me in return, and I even have plans that I am working towards. I am not lost, but I am still learning and succeeding each day.

So cheers to me on that, and congrats to you (all) for what you succeeded in this summer.

-Kayla 🙂

I did it!

17106_728990433878051_5447265978506437009_n “Oh the places you’ll go”

So this post is around 3 weeks late, but I graduated college! I am constantly reminded why I chose The College at Brockport to become my alma mater, which is always reassuring. I was delaying this post because I was working out my career choices. I flew to Denver right after my graduation to audition for a dance company and it went so incredibly well and i loved the company and the choreographer and could literally see my dance life there for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, they chose someone who already lives out there and could start immediately, so I didn’t get the job. But they hope to see me again. so perhaps next summer. I did, however, get hired at Behavioral Health Network in Western Mass. I will be working a job in my field that could be a permanent position. While I am so excited to start work next week, I also am not going to keep this job forever. I still plan to move west, or anywhere, to follow my first love: dance. For now, I will be using this job for experience and building references and working on getting savings so I can afford to move and follow my dance career. But I am so excited to have a job in one of my fields and to start enjoying life out of college.

-Kayla 🙂