It’s not like you always seek out certain books to realize something, and even when you do, the realizations and thoughts that come through may not have been expected.
I just finished reading American Wife written by Taya Kyle with Jim DeFelice. I was astounded at how much I saw Andrew in Chris Kyle, and even more by how much I aligned with Taya Kyle. Obviously, we are not a mirror image couple, and our relationship is its own. But many of the personality traits I see in Andrew or in myself while reading this book.
After dealing with a loss myself, although not a spouse, this book was therapeutic in the waves of grief that followed and are still washing up now and then. And it also faced a fear I have had, but also deepened since my friend died: how I am always hoping for Andrew’s well-being because I don’t really know what it would be like to face my life without him.
Near the end of the memoir, Taya talks about her search for happiness, and how she usually finds herself thinking of what she hasn’t done rather than her successes. I really saw myself doing this often, although I consider myself a ‘happy’ person. I have been stressed, restless this summer counting down the days and the savings I need to move and start my life-our life-with Andrew. Yet I haven’t necessarily celebrated what I have accomplished so far because I keep looking at what I need to do for the next thing. It definitely reminded me to LIVE IN THE MOMENT more. Something I try to do, but it is definitely an aspiration of mine for that to come more naturally. I have two undergraduate degrees under my belt, I am working in (one of) my fields of study and have someone I love deeply who loves me in return, and I even have plans that I am working towards. I am not lost, but I am still learning and succeeding each day.
So cheers to me on that, and congrats to you (all) for what you succeeded in this summer.