Tag Archives: love

I’m engaged!!!!

20151023_104755I arrived in Colorado Springs on 10/18, totally excited for my boyfriend to arrive back from Kuwait. This deployment felt almost harder than his past combative one simply due to time zones and the overall timing of it. I made a sign and waited for him to get home after one delay. He arrived safe and sound. We were also excited because we would be spending our 4 1/2 years together. We have never been able to be together for big milestones before. Andrew decided to get a room at the Cheyenne Mountain Resort for the weekend to celebrate, have a nice dinner, and some champagne and strawberries. He always does things to make our time together special. Little did I know, it was going to be a bigger night than I expected…

We got up to our room, It was gorgeous, I was having him follow me to the balcony and taking in the sights, the Rocky Mountains. He said it was a bit chilly and wanted to go back into the room. Before I flew out to Colorado Springs, he had asked me to bring the letters he wrote to me; he said he had a plan of putting things together nicely. I didn’t think anything of it, since I had just finished my scrap book/photo album of my travels in Europe from last year. He asked to see the letters, and started to take them out of the envelopes to look at what they were, “I’m just putting them in the order I sent them” he told me. I just sat and watched. Then he told me “There’s one letter I didn’t get to send before I came home…” He drew a question mark on a piece of paper and placed it at the end of his letters. He said “Okay. Figure it out.” I was so confused. I got up off the bed to get a front view of what he had been working on. I just stared at them. There were some shapes at the tops of some of the letters, but it wasn’t making sense to me. “Could you please help me a little? I’m not sure what I’m looking for…” I was literally so confused. “Look at the first letter of each one.” From the time he started writing to me from Kuwait 9 months ago, until now, Andrew had been planning this moment. The letters spelled out “Will you marry me?” I turned to him, and he was on one knee. He said my full name and started to say something nice about us/me. I was so surprised, I cut him off and said “Are you serious?!” I asked him about 3-4 more times and just hugged him so hard. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t crying because I was so happy. He then asked “So, do you want the ring, or….?” And he put the ring on my finger. We are engaged! The way he did this was so perfect, and so surprising, I could not have imagined a better proposal for us. It was so personal and between just the two of us. I have such an amazing man in my life and I am so excited to spend the rest of our lives together.

12032282_10205863659365244_5690403784082254582_n-Kayla ❤ 😀

It’s funny how the books you read line up with your life

It’s not like you always seek out certain books to realize something, and even when you do, the realizations and thoughts that come through may not have been expected.

I just finished reading American Wife written by Taya Kyle with Jim DeFelice. I was astounded at how much I saw Andrew in Chris Kyle, and even more by how much I aligned with Taya Kyle. Obviously, we are not a mirror image couple, and our relationship is its own. But many of the personality traits I see in Andrew or in myself while reading this book.

After dealing with a loss myself, although not a spouse, this book was therapeutic in the waves of grief that followed and are still washing up now and then. And it also faced a fear I have had, but also deepened since my friend died: how I am always hoping for Andrew’s well-being because I don’t really know what it would be like to face my life without him.

Near the end of the memoir, Taya talks about her search for happiness, and how she usually finds herself thinking of what she hasn’t done rather than her successes. I really saw myself doing this often, although I consider myself a ‘happy’ person. I have been stressed, restless this summer counting down the days and the savings I need to move and start my life-our life-with Andrew. Yet I haven’t necessarily celebrated what I have accomplished so far because I keep looking at what I need to do for the next thing. It definitely reminded me to LIVE IN THE MOMENT more. Something I try to do, but it is definitely an aspiration of mine for that to come more naturally. I have two undergraduate degrees under my belt, I am working in (one of) my fields of study and have someone I love deeply who loves me in return, and I even have plans that I am working towards. I am not lost, but I am still learning and succeeding each day.

So cheers to me on that, and congrats to you (all) for what you succeeded in this summer.

-Kayla 🙂

Music can do funny things to you…

The other day I was having a rough day. Ever since my friend died on Halloween (still no new information on why, she just passed away in her sleep), I have had more good days than bad days for the most part. But every once in a while, I have a really hard time with it. We were supposed to be in a lot of classes together next semester, so I feel like I’ve started grieving all over again. The other day on the way home from the dentist, this song came on and I was singing along really loud in my car. But it was one of my friend’s favorite songs, so all of a sudden I felt like she was singing it with me and I just started bawling my eyes out while trying to sing it. I just miss her so much. But I love having such great memories with her. I love that I can still be with her singing out the lyrics in my car.

-Kayla

CVG

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So it has been about a month since I lost one of my best friends here at college. This past week, I have felt almost normal again. Yet the grief will still creep up on me at random moments. I never felt how heavy such a small organ like the heart could feel. Or the whole body for that matter. I can’t imagine what her family is going through, having their first family gathering since she passed away so suddenly and without reason. She wasn’t murdered, drunk or sick. She just passed away at the age of 21. That’s still the hardest part. That I can’t know what actually happened. That I can’t call her and text her and talk about future travel plans we had, yet I don’t have a reason as to why that is. It has been such a healing process the last couple weeks, and the dance department has all been such a wonderful support, the glue holding us all together. It is really a reminder to be so thankful everyday. I am so thankful to have family that supports me (even if they want me to stay close to home when it’s not the best option), to have a wonderful Godfather who keeps in touch despite being halfway across the country, to have wonderful friends, like Christina, who I can laugh with, talk with and create awesome memories with, to have a connection with the other beautiful ladies of this blog, and to have such a wonderful boyfriend who supports me, loves me and hopes for my best success. He helps even while he’s all the way in Colorado-a new challenge for our already long-distance, now we have a 2 hour time difference :/ I wish that Christina was still physically here, but she has been showing us that she’s okay. I just miss her so damn much.

-Kayla