No one ever tells you that when you get married, you lose all your friends. I almost wish someone would have told me… not that it would have changed my mind or anything, but it would have been nice to have some preparation.
When you’re in your early 20s, most of your peers are not interested in settling down. Most of your peers find the thought of getting married or having children revolting. They are still exploring on their own – and they don’t understand why you would have even thought to get married. Better yet – they expect your marriage to fail.
Luckily, my two best friends have been my two best friends forever, and not a whole lot has changed with us. We all understand that lives get busy. One is busy planning a wedding and going to grad school, while the other is busy raising a 2 year old son and working a full time job to provide for him – all the while, I’m adjusting to married life and a new job and whatever else is being thrown at me. The three of us know that any lack of communication is hardly personal. We make time for each other when we can, talk and text when we can, and when we can’t… well, that’s okay too. We get it – and God knows, I’m so thankful for that.
But what I mean by saying “you lose all your friends” is you lose all your casual friends. You lose the friends you’d go out with on Friday and Saturday nights. You lose the people you’d go and have random adventures with. You lose spontaneity.
My husband and I still try to be spontaneous… but sometimes it’s hard. We come home after long days at work and just want to be lame and crash on the couch and watch movies. On weekends, we clean the house, or run errands, or whatever we want together. But when it comes to going out with friends – we have to make plans days maybe even weeks ahead – if we can even make any plans at all. Some people think it’s weird to hang out with us now, or it makes them uncomfortable because they’re single and we’re not. Or it makes them uncomfortable because they’re used to hanging out with one of us, not both of us. Very rarely does it happen where there’s a phone call saying “HEY! What are you doing right this second? We’re going out tonight!” Those days kind of go out the window when a ring gets put on your finger.
I wouldn’t change any of it for the world, though. I promise you that! It’s so nice to come home from work to a house that isn’t empty. To have someone to come to that knows you like the back of their hand. To have someone who will challenge the person you are to become better. It’s so nice to have all that and be able to experience life with the one you love.
I’m going to be cliche and say it – when you know it’s right, you know it’s right. And once you find your other half, hold on to it. Be prepared for the ride to come, because anyone who has been married for any length of time can tell you that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Marriage and love in general take work.